Another Police Shooting- the rest of the story

Another Police Shooting

Hardly a week passes anymore without a report of another black man (usually young) being shot and killed by the police.  I am wearied from hearing these tragic stories. It certainly seems like this is happening more frequently, but I wonder if the prevalence of smart phones has simply captured what used to remain invisible and unreported in the media. Also, social media facilitates the dissemination of information today so almost nothing escapes being exposed to the public.

It is tragic whenever a young person's life is terminated no matter the cause of death. Whether or not the shooting was legally justified, one cannot help but feel overwhelmed by the needless waste of the potential in that young life. Even when the police action is exonerated, the fact remains- a tragedy has occurred. When public rioting and looting is the response to a police shooting or when there is lethal retaliation against innocent police officers, it is even more tragic.

But, I am frustrated by how often the focus in the media seems skewed. Frequently, in the evening newscast, we see pictures of the victim of a police shooting posed in their graduation cap and gown. Yes,the picture emphasizes the tragic waste of another young person's life. The picture of the young man in his cap and gown helps create empathy for the victim and anger toward the police officers who were responsible for the shooting death of the victim.

What often seems to be missing in these reports of police shootings is the fact that several of the victims were involved in criminal activity when they were killed by the police. Being involved in a crime does not in itself justify the death of the perpetrator. But, the near silence in the media about the criminal activity of the victim encourages greater moral outrage against the police. So, all I am asking is what about telling the rest of the story surrounding the incident?

If the motivation for not consistently reporting any criminal activity of the person who was killed by the police is out of respect for the deceased and their loved ones, I can understand. But, when we don't tell the whole story- when we only focus on the tragic death at the hands of police- do we not disrespect the reputation of the police officers and their family if they acted appropriately within the law?

Now, my blog title says that I am a retired preacher so you may ask why am I speaking out on this subject? Every death of a person, young or old, who was involved in criminal activity reminds me of the warnings in the first  chapter of The Proverbs where Wisdom is addressing a young man as a father would address his son.  

         Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction 

         and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. 

         They will be a garland to grace your head 

         and a chain to adorn your neck. 

         My son, if sinners entice you, 

         do not give in to them. 

         If they say, “Come along with us; 

         let’s lie in wait for someone’s blood, 

         let’s waylay some harmless soul; 

         let’s swallow them alive, like the grave,

         and whole, like those who go down to the pit; 

         we will get all sorts of valuable things 

         and fill our houses with plunder; 

         throw in your lot with us, 

         and we will share a common purse”— 

         my son, do not go along with them, 

         do not set foot on their paths; 

         for their feet rush into sin, 

         they are swift to shed blood. 

         How useless to spread a net 

         in full view of all the birds! 

         These men lie in wait for their own blood; 

         they waylay only themselves! 

         Such is the end of all who go after ill-gotten gain; 

         it takes away the lives of those who get it. 

The New International Version. (1984). (Pr 1:8–19). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

I believe there are really two basic questions  regarding these police shootings. The obvious question is "why are there so many police shootings?" The bigger question though is "what is happening in our culture- especially that of the predominately black neighborhoods in the inner-city?" Some may answer that it is the result of gang activity. Others point to the breakdown of the family, especially in the black community where too often there is an absence of a positive father image in the family. Did you note above in above quote from Proverbs that it was a father counseling his son about the danger of choosing the wrong friends? Destructive activity often boomerangs to come band and destroy the perpetrator.

Do you. like I, wonder why so many inner-city children are being reared without the influence of a father? I will let the sociologists and professionals offer their answers, but could it also be that our social welfare policies share some responsibility? Then, there is also the question about the lack of influence of the local churches? I pray that God will grant the pastors of our churches (whether inner-city or suburbia) the wisdom and boldness to proclaim truth and to provide biblical counsel for strong families.

Meanwhile, when the media posts pictures of victims (I don't like that word) of police shootings, why not share the rest of the story?

7/28/15 -

A Day that will Live in Infamy
When evil became "good"

How in the world did we get to this point in America where a small, but very vocal and militant minority, have forced their values upon the rest of us? When did evil morph into something good? When did what has universally been considered good for thousands of years suddenly become evil?

Only ten years ago who would have conceived we would ever discuss, let alone legitimize same sex marriage?

The 2015 landmark decision by the Supreme Court of The United States stating  that the fundamental right to marry is guaranteed to same sex couples by both the Due Process Clause and the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment of  our Constitution.

Five “progressive” (I choose that label on purpose as you will see later) justices declared same sex marriage was legal. Five justices dismantled the timeless institution of marriage. Five non-elected justices called same sex marriage normal and good.  But, what God ordained as good in Genesis chapter three remains good, and what God calls evil or remains evil.

We live in a new world where right is wrong and wrong has become right. We live in new culture where a fire chief in Atlanta was terminated for writing a book based on the Genesis account of marriage and sexuality. We read of a photographer in New Mexico being forced to pay a stiff penalty for refusing to photograph a same sex marriage ceremony. The list goes on. What about the Christian bakers in Gresham, Oregon who have lost their business and face severe harassment from “progressive” people who insist that everybody- except themselves-  must show tolerance. Then there is the pizza shop in Indiana and another cake baker in Colorado- each have faced litigation and harassment for following their convictions based on Scripture.

This is the brave new world we live in. How did we get here and what can we do? What I share in this blog is the result of years of my personal frustration over this militant takeover of our culture and my concern for the future of my grandchildren. My thoughts about these social earthquakes have been refined and strengthened through reading two books: You Will be Made to Care by Erick Erickson and Bill Blankschaen and Why God won’t Go Away by Allister McGrath.  Another book, The Prodigal Church by Jared Wilson, has confirmed my conviction that the contemporary “seeker friendly” Church with its pragmatic philosophy for “doing church” shares blame in the cultural morass we face today.

So, if I have not already turned you off, please grant me grace to continue to opine about the future of our culture, if not the human race. Yes, I am an old, retired preacher, but perhaps I still can speak with clarity and wisdom.

I believe there are moral absolutes that have and must stand the test of time if we are to survive. Consider the following statement, even though made by an ancient church leader centuries ago, Augustine of Hippo, it still resonates today:

                “Right is right even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.”

If that statement is not true, then let the “progressives” have at it. Let them challenge and change every moral value we have always held including the biblical covenant of marriage between a man and a woman. Let them, as they already have, attack and dismantle DOMA- the Defense of Marriage Act signed by President Clinton. Let them force schools and businesses to remove all signage for men’s or women’s restrooms. After all, if everybody wants it, it can’t be wrong. But, not everybody is pushing for genderless restrooms. Truth be told, very few of us are comfortable with the idea and find it both absurd and terribly wrong headed! However, the militant “progressives” want to punish the State of North Carolina for even questioning or tweaking the new normal.

How did we get here? It began long, long ago in the Garden of Eden. But, in recent history, it found its footing in the sexual revolution of the 70’s. While much of the Church slept and enjoyed our privileged position, dark forces were actively using the arts and entertainment and higher educational institutions to sow the seeds. My blog is not the place to dig deeply so I recommend the books listed above.

Erickson and Blankschaen, in They Will Make You Care, share some interesting concepts such as the distinction between “freedom of religion” and “freedom of worship.” Have you noticed the new vocabulary coming from the Obama White house and other liberal institutions and the media? They affirm our right to worship as we please. But, our constitution and Bill of Rights guarantees the freedom to practice our religion. The new vocabulary says we have freedom to worship as we please. However, there is a big difference between practicing my religious convictions and expressing my worship. I can worship with or without music. I can dance or recite liturgy. It is my freedom according to the progressives, but they do not grant me the freedom to practice my religious faith and convictions 24/7 if I own a bakery or if I am a photographer who believes that I would violate my conscience and my core beliefs by using my skills to support a same sex ceremony. My religious freedom ends, according to the progressives, when I walk out the door of my church building.

So let me ask again, how did we get to this place? I believe some (perhaps much) of the blame falls on the church itself. The liberal Church has tossed aside the Bible in favor of social justice (that is a noble pursuit) and other lesser pursuits rather than the Gospel. Some Evangelical Churches have become virtually silent in speaking to the issue of sin and repentance. Pulpits no longer resonate with the voice of a prophet crying out for righteousness. We have lost our saltiness and prefer to appeal to the sweet tooth of our generation. Shouldn’t we apply Scripture to pressing issues like family, marriage and living Christ-like in the business world?

Some pastors have courageously addressed racial justice and prejudice. Movements like Black Lives Matter has made this a front-burner-issue, but do we pastors also remind our congregations about the grave social injustice of abortion and the dangerous challenges against the family and marriage? I suspect racial injustice is a politically correct topic. It is not be politically correct to address same sex marriage and abortion from the pulpit, but they are certainly wrong and do threaten our very survival.

I can hear somebody say that would be “preaching to the choir” to talk about abortion or same sex marriage. My response is somebody must speak to the choir (congregation) about these issues. If we don’t, the media will and already is molding the thinking of our youth and some adults in the church. I agree it is the parents’ responsibility to shape our children’s values, but many of our youth come from broken and non-churched homes. Sadly, many who sit in the worship centers week after week do not have a biblical worldview. There is a vacuum of solid biblical, theological teaching.

We are where we are today in our culture because what we believe shapes what we do. If this is applicable to us as individuals it also applies to the culture at large. When men declare that God is irrelevant or doesn’t exist- when men believe we are not created in God’s image but are the product of random chance (atheistic evolution) it not only affects our understanding of the origin of life, but can and has affected our morals and values.

If evolution is a process that is moving the human race forward- progressing us upwardly- than is it not also reasonable to believe evolution also guides and affects us socially and culturally? In fact, the case is made that one of the motivations behind the militant push to transform culture and throw off traditional values is based on the theory of social evolution. So the liberal progressive considers the Church and Christianity as archaic institutions that block social progress. These social engineers will not stop with same sex marriage. Already there are calls for polygamous, incestuous, and group marriages. The one who led the charge to be free from God in the Garden of Eden will not stop until he has been ultimately defeated by the only King who is sovereignly above all rulers and philosophers and social engineers in this world.

Remember the slogan behind Barak Obama’s first campaign? “Change you can believe in!” Few who voted in anticipation for the promised change dreamed it would include transforming our culture and removing traditional social values like the sanctity of marriage. Do you recall how the White House was lit up to celebrate the wonderful change in the definition of marriage after the Supreme Court decision? Also, by chance did you catch the promises about appointing justices to the Supreme Court in each of the recent political conventions ? One promised justices that would uphold the Constitution and traditional values. The other promised justices that dared to think outside the box and bring more social changes. Hmm! One anticipated “progressive” justices.

Meanwhile, we are in a battle for truth and for righteousness. We must not remain silent. When the Nazis moved to exterminate Jews and homosexuals and other “sub humans” many Germans remained silent because they were not Jewish but members of the Christian Church. Then Hitler came against the church, and there was nobody to cry out for them.

 Have we forgotten Jesus’ call to take up the cross and follow Him- in other words, to prepare to die? Every first Century believer understood what it meant to carry a cross. Someday, we who follow Jesus may also face severe persecution here in America as we become more and more marginalized. Now, is the time for us to be the voice in the wilderness like John, who dared to call wrong- wrong, and lost his head for it. What are we willing to lose?

I leave with a few Scriptures for your contemplation:

Mt. 12:30             Jesus said, “He who is not with me is against Me, and He who does not gather with Me scatters.”

Rom. 1:18-32      There is no clearer description of where we are today and how we have gotten to this place and why the social progressives are so militant. It is as if Paul was speaking to our culture today.

Psalm 37:12-13  “The wicked plots against the righteous, and gnashes at him with his teeth. The Lord laughs at him; for He sees his day is coming.”

By the way, never forget the words of a wise philosopher and baseball legend, “It ain’t over till it’s over.” God will have the last word in this struggle for truth and righteousness. Perhaps He will awaken His church and His prophets to help turn the ship around. Over and over throughout history God has moved in His mysterious to thwart the plans of the wicked. So we can sing “the wrong will fail and right prevail with peace on earth, good will to men.” 

Playing by Their Book- why radical Islamist terrorists act like they do

Playing by Their Book

I may get some push back from this blog, but it is worth the risk. Our president and other politicians may hesitate to identify the actions of ISIS and other radical Islamic groups as terrorism, but it certainly is obvious to anybody who is objective to see that recent brutal murders in America is not "workforce violence" or "gay bashing." Over and over we hear people in the media and in Washington D.C. say that the actions of these radicals discredits the peaceful religion of Islam.

Yes, there are many Muslims in America and around the world who seek to live law abiding lives and to practice charitable actions. They make good neighbors. Many of us may even have Muslim friends. I have friends who minister among Muslim immigrants in America as they seek to develop friendships and provide material and emotional support among the Muslim immigrants. Of course, their ultimate desire is to demonstrate the power of the gospel and eventually share the good news of God's Amazing grace found only in Christ Jesus.

So if Islam is a peaceful religion, why do these fundamentalist Muslims carry out so much inexcusable violence? My response is these terrorists are simply playing by their book- The Koran. This may be simplistic, but it seems to me the problem is not so much with Islam but with the Koran. Many Muslims are Muslims by culture and birth like many Americans are Christians only in name without a relationship with Christ.

I strongly recommend that every American read Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus, a book by Nabeel Quresh. Nabeel was born and raised as a Muslim in a devout Muslim family that practiced non violence. He was devout in his love for Allah and the prophet Mohammed. He said he believed every word in the Koran and would debate anybody willing to try to defend Christianity and the Bible. A deep friendship with a professing Christian in college led to many such debates. But, little by little his confidence in the Koran faded. Risking the loss of friends and family Nabeel surrendered to Jesus Christ's claims on his life. Today he is on staff with Ravi Zacharias, a Christian apologist and author.

In Nabeel's research of the Koran that he had blindly accepted, he discovered that mush of the violent behavior of the radical Islamists was not that radical- rather they were simply living by "The Book". The Koran includes texts that approve and even command some of the violent behavior we see today including raping women and girls captured in battle. The beheading of Christians on the seashore, the burning a Jordanian soldier, the capturing and raping of young girls in Africa and the horrible slaughter in Orlando and San Bernadino and at the Boston Marathon were actions that are approved in the Koran.

So, I agree with the title Fundamentalist Muslims. Yes, they are simply acting according to the book.

Mary and I led the Muslim Prayer Band while at Moody. We thought we would serve as missionaries in a Muslim country, but God led us into the pastorate here in America. I can say with integrity that I love Muslims. It is the Koran I fear.

"All’s Well that Ends”

For those of you who have hung around me over time, you know how I like to misquote and twist familiar sayings. “All’s well that ends” is one of my favorites. In fact, it has become my philosophy of life. I suspect if there is a celebration of my life after I have taken my final breath, somebody may share this memory. 

Of course, I realize the original proverb, or whatever you wish to call it, had one more word to complete the thought. I have had numerous persons try to correct me or to help me by adding the word “well.” Sometimes it feels like they are just trying to be courteous by helping an old man with a memory problem. But, honestly, I prefer my shorter version not just because it gets their attention, but it truly does reflect reality.

Anybody can say, “All’s well that ends well.” It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. We all like knowing a project or an experience ended well. I prefer winning over losing a game. I selfishly prefer winning by a large margin- none of that “by the skin of your teeth” stuff for me!

Saying “All’s well that ends” is not simply trying to act like a “Smart Alec.” (Yes, there really is such a word in the dictionary with the connotation of being arrogant or a show off.) Perhaps that was my original motive when I first starting leaving off the word, “well”. As a child, I was often (or attempted to be) a Smart Alec. I had a quick tongue and sometimes received the board of education on the seat of knowledge to convince me to change.

Recently I discovered a very wise man who agrees that “All’s well that ends.” Solomon, in Ecclesiastes 7:8, said it this way- “The end of the matter is better than its beginning.” Now, with just a bit of loose hermeneutic I think Solomon is saying, ”All’s well that ends.” No matter how it started or how something progressed or failed to progress, it always ends, and that is good. So even if it ends good- I win by doubling the score on my adversary- or if it ends poorly- I get skunked, either way the game is over. I can leave the field to lick my wounds in private, and that is better than listening to their cat calls and taunting.

But, I ask for your patience as I try to demonstrate that “All’s well that ends” is not only biblical, but it is an appropriate philosophy as a follower of Jesus Christ.

In three more weeks I hit the big 72. I realize how few years I have left to invest or to waste. No longer do I assume Jesus will return before my name is listed in tomorrow’s obituary column. But, whether I live to a ripe old age and keep my mind (what is left of it) or whether I die tomorrow or whether I become a victim of Alzheimer ’s disease, the endgame is great. Paul, writing from prison and expecting to literally lose his head, declared that “to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord which is far better.”

The prophet Habakkuk, facing the severity of the Babylonian siege, and feeling how unjust this was, sang,

“Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity to come on the nation invading us.

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,

Though olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,

Though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stall,

Yet, I rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my savior.” – Hab. 3:16b-18

Habakkuk could compose this song because he knew “The Sovereign Lord” was his strength.” He believed that all would be well no matter the circumstances or how it all ended. He knew that the “Lord was in His holy temple” so the whole earth should be silent before Him or trust Him.

Didn’t Jesus also teach this principle? “Why”, He asked, ”should we worry about tomorrow if we know Him who knows the endgame and marks the fall of the sparrow? Why fret about the lack of food in our pantry or clothes in my closet if our Father in Heaven feeds birds and wraps the lily in splendor?”

Life is a journey. Some days it is just flat out tough to just hold on. Some days life may be like a bowl of cherries (for Forrest Gump a box of chocolates or for me, Oregon strawberries or cashew nuts). My life and your life is a story being lived out moment by moment. No matter how my life began or how today began, someday it will all be history. I can choose how to live each day. In Paul’s words in Philippians 4, I can choose to worry about the “what ifs” that may never happen or I can choose to trust God. I can complain or I can give thanks in all things. Paul trusted God, like Habakkuk, to bring good things out of life's difficult experiences. Didn’t God promise this in Roman 8:28? Not everything that happens is good. Some experiences in life just plain stink; others are excruciating painful. But, for Christ followers, it always ends well.

Isn’t that the big story throughout Scripture? Things started off really well in the garden. Then sin entered and everything has been negatively affected. The rest of the Bible is God working through every event in history to accomplish His ultimate purpose- His endgame.

When I read the book of The Revelation of Jesus Christ, especially the final chapters, everything sin and Satan defiled will be made new. There will be a new heaven and a new earth. Once again God will dwell among us like He did with Adam and Eve. No more tears to shed. No more pain. No more funerals to attend. No more final goodbyes. All will be new!

It doesn’t get any better than that. So, like I said, “ALL IS WELL THAT ENDS!”  And it will end very, very well! Perhaps, very soon. Wouldn’t that be good?

Oh, yes, how do you like the picture taken on our 50th anniversary. It has been 50 wonderful years with a few tough days mixed in, but what are they when "All's well that ends?"

A Time to Remember

One more day and the anticipation is building. Tomorrow we celebrate our Golden Wedding anniversary. Mary's brother and wife, Gary and Jerry Cline, are here from Cape Coral, Florida to help us celebrate. Their son, Ty, was our ring bearer fifty years ago. Jerry played the organ for our ceremony. Today the old wedding album came out and we enjoyed memories stimulated by the photos. Mary dug out our original wedding rings this morning also, and I printed out our wedding vows and the song I sang to her at the wedding. Nostalgia is burning deeply.

Fifty years with a person you love, trust and share everything creates golden memories. I recall the early days and years with all the stress of finishing college and beginning a family and entering ministry at such a young age. I still wonder why Pulaskiville Community Church in Ohio would call such a neophyte. But, then I remember, they were hard up for somebody to occupy the parsonage and preach on Sundays.Those seven and a half years in that country church was the best seminary I could ever attend. There were so many firsts- my first lead pastorate, our first son, Dan, was born, our first difficult relationship caused by my thoughtlessness of giving away our little dog just before Christmas Eve. How I cherish the memories of that loving church family that grew and grew both in numbers and spiritual depth. I discovered God could use a shy, country boy from Nebraska in His great kingdom work.

When I finally was able to go to seminary, I chose Western in Portland. Those thirteen years at Powellhurst Baptist Church were also filled with memories. My near fatal accident when the scaffolding collapse followed by six weeks in the hospital with a body cast, both legs and one arm in a cast were trying times. Mary came through with flying colors- my first visitor every morning and the last to leave at night. Keeping the home fires burning and being mother to growing boys while I was out of the home was difficult, but she would say she was "only doing what she had promised on our wedding day...."through sickness and in health...". 

Twenty three years serving First Baptist Church (now Foundry Church) have been filled with memories. Most of them very good; a few difficult times. Now retired we choose to remain in Bend because it is such a great place to live and to remain close to our granddaughter, Faith, who is now finishing her Freshman year at Bend Senior High. Now we have lived in Oregon over half of our lives so I think we qualify for being true Oregonians.

Tonight our son, Dan, and his family arrive for the weekend celebration. The house will be filled with laughter. Tomorrow a few close friends will join the family celebration. But, the star of the show will be Mary, my wonderful wife and my very best friend. We have traveled many miles together- most of them delightful but a few very difficult times as well. We survived those storms and trials together. Solomon was correct when he said "two are better than one." I thank God that the one person he put into my life as my help mate (God knew how much help I would need).

So, in my rambling today, I want to share the lyrics of the song I sang to Mary (she joined me on the chorus). The words resonate more today than they did than night, June 11, 1966. Today they are reality.

Darling, the day has come that we've been dreaming of,

When at the altar white we'll say our vows of love;

Oh, what a happy time: all gone the doubt and fear,

And, with the promises, we'll add this one my Dear.

Chorus

Each for the other and both for the Lord.

Oh, Darling Sweetheart, let the angels record;

Vows sweetly spoken; may they never be broken;

Each for the other, and both for the Lord.

We'll walk together Love, thru sunshine- thru the shade,

Weill mingle tears and smiles and travel unafraid;

Halos of happiness will crown each passing day

Til heaven shines ahead and beckons us away.

Chorus

Words and music by John Peterson

Copyright 1957

As I typed those lyrics in the last stanza, my heart is both heavy and yet joyful. After fifty years, we have less time to share together than has already passed. Heaven seems so much more imminent. But, until then, I thank God for the love of my life however long that may be.

Sweeter as the years go by- our 50th anniversary trip

There she is, my sweetheart of fifty plus years counting the courtship days back at Moody. This was our first night in Banff, Canada at a local restaurant. I asked the host for the best seat in the house so they seated us by the big fireplace. It snowed that night so the fireplace was welcome.

To celebrate our anniversary, Mary preferred a road trip together over a reception and social event. So, we chose to chalk off a few of the places we wanted to visit that were on our "bucket lists." Eight days and almost 3,000 miles (all but about 200 were not on Interstate Freeways).

Driving through Banff and Jasper National Parks in Canada, we enjoyed the beauty and wildlife (not what younger people do after dark in the taverns) but bears, mountain goats, Big Horn sheep, moose and wolves. The beauty of the mountains, mile after mile, almost became overwhelming.

After the Canadian Rockies we drove through Glacier National Park in Montana and attended church in Kalispell where we met a great group of brothers and sisters we had never met before but anticipate sharing eternity with them.

Whenever we had the choice, we chose the alternate routes through ranch country in Montana and Idaho while working our way to Clarkston, WA. The route to Enterprise, OR. and the Wallowa Mountains was spectacular! Of course Joseph and Wallowa Lake were memorable. But, a highlight was driving up the steep dirt road above Imnaha, OR. toward Hell's Canyon. The views down into the valleys were spectacular including a four by four point bull elk staring back at us. We went as far as possible until the snow blocked the road.

By the way, if you have never enjoyed a cheeseburger at the general store and tavern in Imnaha, it is a five star event. Rattlesnake skins are stretched out and drying on the bar counter. It was the only place in town where you can buy a cup of coffee for 35 cents- it was the only place in town to be honest. After the muddy road above Imnaha, we arrived home with the pick up truck covered with mud.

So what impressed me most on the trip?

As great as the majestic scenery was, I was most impacted by the reminder that Christian marriage is a wonderful gift from God. Choosing the right woman and living one day at a time through thick and thin is rewarding. The great river of love may seem silent at our age, but it is powerful and very rewarding.

So if there is a moral to this story, let it be this: Hang in there. Keep those vows. Invest in the relationship. Give more than you seek to receive and the reward is worth it all. Love becomes sweeter as the years go by.

I know because I have been there.

By the way, isn't that lady in the pictures beautiful!

A River Runs through It

A River Runs Through It

It doesn’t seem possible that Mary and I will be celebrating our fiftieth anniversary in a few weeks. Where have the years gone?

We both love to travel, and we enjoy the splendor of the mountains, so to celebrate we will be leaving for a trip through Banff National Park in Canada and Glacier National Park in Montana.

As I reflect on our relationship over the past 50 years, I describe our love as a river. There were those early exciting years when we first discovered each other at Moody Bible Institute. At least speaking for myself, I remember the first time I really noticed Mary. She was standing in the line for dinner at the bottom of the stairs in Smith Hall. Something happened in me. Call it a spark or whatever. But it soon became an explosion of emotions after I convinced her to go out with me. From that time on we spent almost every free moment together.

Ah, the splendor of “young love!” Like melting snow rushing down the mountain our love became a stream racing over the rocks- passionate, noisy, exciting and threatening to burst out of its banks.

Thank God for that emotional, sexual attraction that first brings a man and a woman together. But, like the head waters of a river, marital love cannot remain constantly at that same passionate level. As C.S. Lewis observed, nobody can live at that same emotional high 24/7. Yes, it may have drawn us toward one another, but something more mature was needed to keep us together through the rigors and seasons of life.

Our love, and I believe it is true in every marriage that survives decade after decade, our love grew more deeply. Like a river, once a passionate stream, it became a river. Through each shared crisis and each blessing the river grew and matured. Now, after fifty year (one half century) my love for Mary is deeper, less selfish, more serving. Now, I know Mary more than I ever could have when we first became one flesh. Now, I can predict how she will respond to things (usually, who can ever predict everything going on in a woman’s mind?). Now, after 50 years, I enjoy just sitting across the room from her enjoying her unique manners and facial expressions.

Yes, today our love has become a mature river running deeply. It may no longer noisily boast. But, don’t be deceived by the appearance of tranquility, the current in the mature river is powerful, sometimes irresistible. It cannot be coaxed out of its channel as it flows gracefully to the sea, committed to finishing its journey.

People, when they learn of our golden anniversary, often respond with praise and admiration. They ask, “What is the secret to making it this long?” I could respond with several reasons we are still together and still in love with one another. But, if I had to answer in one word, it would be “devotion”.

Marriages seldom last based upon physical attraction or romantic feeling or even sex. Mary and I are still married today because we made a commitment and kept it. We have been devoted to our marital vows. We have remained devoted to our relationship. We have endeavored to remain devoted to Jesus Christ and His call upon our lives.

So, if you ask me why we made it fifty years, I respond that I am devoted to one woman- to Mary. I have experienced a little babbling brook become a stream crashing through boulders and now flowing quietly, but relentlessly like a mature river. I love the sound of rushing snowmelt over rocks. I cherish the sound of a babbling brook. I am impressed by the mighty rapids of our Deschutes River, but I stand in silent respect when I look several miles across the Columbia River as it embraces the Great Pacific Ocean.

I am not alone when I describe Mary and my relationship for fifty years as “a river runs through it.” As a youth one of my favorite pop artists were the Everly Brothers. I love the lyrics of one of their hits, “Devoted to You.” The lyrics, written by Felica Bryan, include the metaphor of a great river.

“Through the years our love will grow.

Like a river it will flow.

It can’t die because I am so devoted to you.”

By the grace of God and through self discipline, I remain devoted to my wife. My greatest regret is that there is one lyric from the song that I cannot say is true about me. The song promises the following”

“I’ll never leave you, I’ll never lie,

l never be untrue,

I’ll never give you reason to cry…”

When I remember the times I caused Mary to cry over a careless word or action, I feel deep remorse. I wish I could go back and erase every selfish action and delete every word that did not edify her. But, because Mary is devoted to me, she has born with me and offered me unconditional grace time after time.

Man, I really enjoy our river today.