A River Runs through It

A River Runs Through It

It doesn’t seem possible that Mary and I will be celebrating our fiftieth anniversary in a few weeks. Where have the years gone?

We both love to travel, and we enjoy the splendor of the mountains, so to celebrate we will be leaving for a trip through Banff National Park in Canada and Glacier National Park in Montana.

As I reflect on our relationship over the past 50 years, I describe our love as a river. There were those early exciting years when we first discovered each other at Moody Bible Institute. At least speaking for myself, I remember the first time I really noticed Mary. She was standing in the line for dinner at the bottom of the stairs in Smith Hall. Something happened in me. Call it a spark or whatever. But it soon became an explosion of emotions after I convinced her to go out with me. From that time on we spent almost every free moment together.

Ah, the splendor of “young love!” Like melting snow rushing down the mountain our love became a stream racing over the rocks- passionate, noisy, exciting and threatening to burst out of its banks.

Thank God for that emotional, sexual attraction that first brings a man and a woman together. But, like the head waters of a river, marital love cannot remain constantly at that same passionate level. As C.S. Lewis observed, nobody can live at that same emotional high 24/7. Yes, it may have drawn us toward one another, but something more mature was needed to keep us together through the rigors and seasons of life.

Our love, and I believe it is true in every marriage that survives decade after decade, our love grew more deeply. Like a river, once a passionate stream, it became a river. Through each shared crisis and each blessing the river grew and matured. Now, after fifty year (one half century) my love for Mary is deeper, less selfish, more serving. Now, I know Mary more than I ever could have when we first became one flesh. Now, I can predict how she will respond to things (usually, who can ever predict everything going on in a woman’s mind?). Now, after 50 years, I enjoy just sitting across the room from her enjoying her unique manners and facial expressions.

Yes, today our love has become a mature river running deeply. It may no longer noisily boast. But, don’t be deceived by the appearance of tranquility, the current in the mature river is powerful, sometimes irresistible. It cannot be coaxed out of its channel as it flows gracefully to the sea, committed to finishing its journey.

People, when they learn of our golden anniversary, often respond with praise and admiration. They ask, “What is the secret to making it this long?” I could respond with several reasons we are still together and still in love with one another. But, if I had to answer in one word, it would be “devotion”.

Marriages seldom last based upon physical attraction or romantic feeling or even sex. Mary and I are still married today because we made a commitment and kept it. We have been devoted to our marital vows. We have remained devoted to our relationship. We have endeavored to remain devoted to Jesus Christ and His call upon our lives.

So, if you ask me why we made it fifty years, I respond that I am devoted to one woman- to Mary. I have experienced a little babbling brook become a stream crashing through boulders and now flowing quietly, but relentlessly like a mature river. I love the sound of rushing snowmelt over rocks. I cherish the sound of a babbling brook. I am impressed by the mighty rapids of our Deschutes River, but I stand in silent respect when I look several miles across the Columbia River as it embraces the Great Pacific Ocean.

I am not alone when I describe Mary and my relationship for fifty years as “a river runs through it.” As a youth one of my favorite pop artists were the Everly Brothers. I love the lyrics of one of their hits, “Devoted to You.” The lyrics, written by Felica Bryan, include the metaphor of a great river.

“Through the years our love will grow.

Like a river it will flow.

It can’t die because I am so devoted to you.”

By the grace of God and through self discipline, I remain devoted to my wife. My greatest regret is that there is one lyric from the song that I cannot say is true about me. The song promises the following”

“I’ll never leave you, I’ll never lie,

l never be untrue,

I’ll never give you reason to cry…”

When I remember the times I caused Mary to cry over a careless word or action, I feel deep remorse. I wish I could go back and erase every selfish action and delete every word that did not edify her. But, because Mary is devoted to me, she has born with me and offered me unconditional grace time after time.

Man, I really enjoy our river today.